For the love of men and music

Monday, April 07, 2008

Flying Solo

This weekend I attended my first ever Hag Night (a cross between a stag party and a hen night) for a friend of mine who is a few weeks away from his civil partnership.

Unsurprisingly, the feelings of frustration about life surfaced – given that we are about the same age and most of the other folks at the event were women, I couldn’t help but feel a bit inadequate with my life and the lack of a relationship, marriage or children.

Whilst I can live with the lack of the last two, the lack of a relationship is something that grates – partly because of the void, but more importantly because of the negative feelings it generates. I dislike the idea that I have these recieved concepts in my head that equate value or relative worthiness with being in a relationship.

I’ve often struggled with singledom – not because I have some sort of comfort zone in relationships (far from it – I don’t think I’ve ever actually been in one) – but because some years ago, I decided to embrace the statement that some people are destined to live their life single. Intellectually I have seized that idea, but emotionally, I haven’t found the natural balance to find comfort in it.

So, the question that I’m trying to answer how do you accept your singledom and embrace it, rather than see it as something to be filled?


Anonymous Iain said...

In my experience, it's much more positive to embrace your situation rather than spend years thinking 'what if?'.

Relationships can be great, but so can single life. My advice is to just get on with life, or you'll end up another five years down the line realising that you've got no ability to reclaim those years.

Chin up, bitch.

April 12, 2008 7:23 pm

Anonymous missmarymoo said...

hey kitten! i'm sooo glad you're back!

The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it? I've been with the bf for 6 years, but sometimes i just want to be free and selfish.

I've been caught up in what ifs too but we all just have to live each day and smile!

Love you kitten xxxx

April 13, 2008 2:14 am

Blogger Baxter Briefs said...

Enjoy life and try not to fret. I've been with my partner for 19 and like missmarymoo says, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single and care free. Someday your prince will come! Oh, and thanks for the great blog!

June 04, 2008 2:45 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I jsut know what you mean.
i've been single for a very long time now.
Funny enough the only time these strange mixed feelings of inadequacy only come up when going to a wedding or strictly "pair things", don't they?
Although I sometimes wish there would be someone by my side. I'd rather be alone than settle for less like many people around me. I know I wouldn't be happy living like this.

And I've sworn to avoid weddings - unless I know a lot more people than just the bride - otherwise it's just an horrendous experience.

January 07, 2009 1:21 pm


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