...And He Wouldn't Give Me His Number
This year, February has been a strange month for me; I’ve been walking around feeling like something is either very wrong with me or the universe, or at times both. I’ve been feeling overly emotional – spending way too much time watching soppy films and Grey’s Anatomy. Basically, I’ve turned into a 15 year old girl (and I’m about as competent as one at work, which is an issue in itself).
One of things that has recently made me go a bit funny has been my reaction to one night stands. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’ve probably had casual encounters with more men than are detailed in the Bible (old and new testament), but interestingly, very few of them have been one night stands – I seem to have an aversion to actually spending the night with someone. This weekend, I ended up having one (go me!) and it’s completely thrown me – I don’t know how to go from being intimate with someone (sleeping, kissing, touching) to not having anything to do with them again. Having casual sex is easy; but casual intimacy, and I’m like a teenager all over again. I think it has to do with how intimacy can foster hope – hope of a future, of potential, of more intimacy – and I clearly crave intimacy (sometimes you just want to be held).
It’s odd that something so liberating about the gay scene (casual sex with no social repurcussions in the same way for example that a straight woman would face – even in this age of Sex & The City) can feel like suffocating.
So here I am, trying to figure out how to re-encounter a one night stand...interestingly on the first year that I have ever made a Valentine's 'mixed tape' - I think the gods are warning me against emotions.
Don't worry - this hasn't turned into Oprah - there are a couple of related MP3s down below :-)
MP3: Eric Himan - One Night Stands (expired)
MP3: Blow - Hey Boy (expired)