For the love of men and music

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

...And He Wouldn't Give Me His Number

This year, February has been a strange month for me; I’ve been walking around feeling like something is either very wrong with me or the universe, or at times both. I’ve been feeling overly emotional – spending way too much time watching soppy films and Grey’s Anatomy. Basically, I’ve turned into a 15 year old girl (and I’m about as competent as one at work, which is an issue in itself).

One of things that has recently made me go a bit funny has been my reaction to one night stands. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’ve probably had casual encounters with more men than are detailed in the Bible (old and new testament), but interestingly, very few of them have been one night stands – I seem to have an aversion to actually spending the night with someone. This weekend, I ended up having one (go me!) and it’s completely thrown me – I don’t know how to go from being intimate with someone (sleeping, kissing, touching) to not having anything to do with them again. Having casual sex is easy; but casual intimacy, and I’m like a teenager all over again. I think it has to do with how intimacy can foster hope – hope of a future, of potential, of more intimacy – and I clearly crave intimacy (sometimes you just want to be held).

It’s odd that something so liberating about the gay scene (casual sex with no social repurcussions in the same way for example that a straight woman would face – even in this age of Sex & The City) can feel like suffocating.

So here I am, trying to figure out how to re-encounter a one night stand...interestingly on the first year that I have ever made a Valentine's 'mixed tape' - I think the gods are warning me against emotions.

Don't worry - this hasn't turned into Oprah - there are a couple of related MP3s down below :-)

MP3: Eric Himan - One Night Stands (expired)
MP3: Blow - Hey Boy (expired)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Mister,

I feel totally the same, casual sex just doesn't do it for me either. I want more than that so I very rarely indulge while fun it may be at the time!

A kindred spirit, indeed. I'm gonna add you to my links.

February 23, 2007 7:23 pm

Blogger xolondon said...

Yes! Anon sex is one thing, casual sex another.

"Anon" is just a hookup and lasts until - err - you get the point (ha! Pun!).

But casual overnighters seem very awkward. There is something about sleeping with someone that is very intimate emotionally. Many people feel the same as you.

February 24, 2007 11:52 am

Blogger Arbër said...

hmmm, i found your note interesting...this is the time when I wonder whether a one night stand is worth the emotional craziness that follows after that... :( ... I used to take risks... now i'm retired...

February 27, 2007 3:06 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude. i totally feel the same way about this. id rather have intimacy than just sex, and sometimes i set my self up for trouble. i seriously dont know how one can just be really intimate with one person one moment and then just act like nothing meaningful happened. so in these forward age, sometimes i do feel left out. but hey, im not feeling that bad. i tend to want to get to know people first before anything can happen. the numbers might be less, but ive met some really good people...

March 10, 2007 8:34 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this observation. Yes, intimacy is where its at when you look back from the vantage of the next day. And to sleep with someone and awake thereafter is intimate, or it is conflicted.

We learn and grow our whole lives, perhaps. But it sure continues now and I thank you for stimulating some learning or articulating it for me/us.

March 19, 2007 12:44 pm


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